Star Trek: TOS, S1E1 - The Man Trap

       There's something salty about Mccoy's ex-girlfriend. It's not just her skilled catfish game or designer lashes in the midst of a desert, but it might be her hyper fixation on salt. It also doesn't help that every member of the crew sees her differently. Sometimes she's a blonde - like every yeoman on the crew, apparently - and half of the time she's a nostalgic memory of a thirst trap encountered in the past. Either way, she has more than a few secrets and Kirk is having absolutely none of it. He sees her as a middle aged desert dweller with gray in her hair and less charm than a drunk at the Fairgrounds midway after midnight. I already agree with Kirk on this one which may be the only time that happens on this blog.

      Back on the ship, Spock takes over the helm and Uhura teases him about his culture. It may not be the classiest move she makes but we can all relate to her frustration. Either way, Spock doesn't budge and Uhura doesn't land a date. On the desert planet, Mccoy sasses his ex's sullen husband and forces a physical on him free of charge as part of Starfleet mandate. If I could get healthcare for free, you wouldn't see me throwing such a fit. Nancy - the enigmatic ex - does a final girl style scream worthy of the melodramatic backdrop which draws everyone's attention. A crewman has been killed and developed a killer skin rash as a result. After a few switches, Nancy beams up with the crew and unleashes havoc on the Enterprise. Where's her husband? Losing his mind amongst what looks to be monolithic ruins.

      Now on the ship, everyone falls prey to the seductions of the salt craving junkie monster who used to look like Mccoy's ex but now freely changes her look more than a reality show housewife. She freaks out Sulu's plant puppet which, frankly, is pretty impressive. The creativity of the backdrops and the set designs are something to approve of in the original series...you don't see sets like that anymore. In all the retro glory of gravity-defying blonde hair and sassy one liners, the episode comes to a conclusion: the crazy professor and his wife are hardcore environmentalists and allowed the salt junkie monster a murder spree because it reminds them of buffalos. The real Nancy ended up dead because of this. The professor got the better half of the bargain with a form changing alien that boasts about being the last of its kind and can fit all his fancies. There are worse fates.

      At one point, the professor rambles that the salt junkie monster wants love as much as salt. He then gets killed by his lover/friend/buffalo. Who said that loyalty lasts in space? Kirk lures the junkie monster out by offering her a fix of salt tablets and then Spock shows up to slap the hell out of her. While Mccoy is being a blubbering simp over a monster that looks like his ex, everyone is annoyed that he hasn't shot her. When he finally sees that she's ugly and has octopus suckers on her hands, he lands a phaser bolt right at her chest. Seems like he can't risk the reputation of dating a monster with sucker pods like that. For the pilot of a show, I have to say that this was a pretty good one. It has all the trappings of an Agatha Christie novel with some Twilight Zone thrown in there. Let's hope Mccoy doesn't run into any exes in the next episode.

PS. There's more filters on Kirk than an Instagram Influencer...that's one way to glam him up.